Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Two Wrongs

      Often during my weight loss journey I come across a few setbacks but I find that it's how we react to setbacks that's important. For me life's setbacks have often lead to life's smorgasbord. I even admit to years of eating to get through parts of my life that I found difficult to deal with. Some people attribute this to when you were a child, parents often gave you a snack to make you feel better.
Two Rights Don't Make A Wrong
     I never filled you in on my September 15th four mile race. It was absolutely great. I had a couple of new experiences that I never had before. One was needing to take a bathroom break. I usually go to the bathroom before a race but I may have gone too early this time. So right before the race I told my friend Cindy, that I need to go. She looked at me like I had lost my mind and said wait for a porto potty stop. The feeling did not leave so for the first time ever, I had to stop. I was mortified and laughing my head off because I felt stupid and human. Luckily for me, there were other human ladies feeling the same way at the first porto.  The second thing is an event that I will never forget. I finally ran up Cat Hill, the formidable hill within the first mile of a New York Road Runners Four Mile race. Usually when I get to this hill I start walking. But thanks to a little bit of hill drills and some courage I slowly ran up the hill. Lunatic that I am, I took a picture of the cat statue after stating that I finally beat it. I was able to run a few more hills and the rest of the race. Right after that, my son Jake ran the children's race in his age bracket. After we all went to breakfast at a diner where I had an egg white veggie omelet and whole grain toast.
the cat statue on Cat Hill

Me and Cindy

me and my son Jake

      Yesterday I had some frustrations regarding finances and a trip to my primary physician. I am not impressed with my primary physician which is why I go to my chiropractor. When Dr. B. suggested that I go to my regular doctor for blood tests just to rule out some reasons my weight loss has slowed down. So when I spoke to my doctor, I told him that I would like him to look into some things regarding my weight loss. Do you know what he said to me? "Well I could refer you to some surgical weight loss professionals". I felt like I was slapped in the face. This is after explaining that I am a Weight Watcher and a runner. I told him that the only way I would do such a thing is if my organs were failing and I had no other choice. Also for the record my thyroid is fine and I was not anemic, he just neglected to let me know these results from my last tests less than a year ago.
       So both those things really pissed me off. I had to stop at the grocery store on my way home for something to cook for dinner and I find myself in the baking aisle holding a can of cake frosting, thinking about baking cupcakes for the guys. At that moment I had an epiphany. I started to think real hard about which frosting I was choosing and how good it would taste and how I would allow myself a cupcake and I saw myself sitting there with several cupcake wrappers and icing all over my face. I realized I was setting myself up for a serious binge. When I make cupcakes for the guys I do not eat one or I allow myself one and track it but I knew right there in Pathmark that if I purchased that icing and went home an baked them, I was going to eat until I was numb from my aggravation. I put down the icing and walked away.
         I blog all of this to say that you may have a bad day where everything seems to go wrong and you want to numb yourself with food. When I finish a race I feel like I can eat a buffet but then I go for the simple breakfast at a diner even though I have many activity points at the time. I say all this to say that when all of the food wrappers are cleared I would feel bad if I went overboard . One feeling was good and celebratory and the other was aggravating and depressing. Food would have fit in to each situation but it did not have to. This does not mean that I am cured  of overeating because I still have to eat food and make decisions. But this means that there are these moments of clarity that you can use to make better choices. I was right to be upset about yesterday and I was right to be celebratory about the race. They were right emotions but the wrong would have been to use overeating to cap them off.
         I saw something on one of those OWN shows with Iyanla Vanzant called STOP which stood for;
S - Stop
T - Take three deep breaths and smile in your body
O - Observe what's happening in your body
P - Proceed now with kindness and compassion

I don't have trouble eating. It's the stopping.

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