This week has been totally crazy. It started out with me stressing over how I will modify my schedule so that I can attend a Melanie WW meeting but it ended up being more. It was my week back from being on vacation. I went from getting lots of sleep, sunshine and exercise to a crazy week of computer issues (my Outlook crashed), lots of scheduling and a weight gain ( 2+lbs). I compounded my confusion by not packing lunch. I had some really good eating days and a couple binging episodes.
I had some good things too like our monthly WW 5K Social walk around the Village with my homies, seeing the new Steve Harvey movie Think Like A Man, and I ran a 5K with Cindy, Nina and Nina's hubby Joe.
So let's talk about the bad first. I binged on Wednesday on dough. I had pastries and I even ate a bagel and cream cheese for lunch. The crazy part is after all of that I went home ran 2.4 miles and ate a sensible dinner of baked fish and roasted veggies. I tried something new with the fish by the way. I usually squeeze lime and sprinkle kosher salt, garlic powder and black pepper but I wanted to add a little more without going too far. I drizzled a little honey mustard and a little bit of whole wheat bread crumbs on top of that and baked it for about 20 minutes. The guys loved it. I had a Greek salad instead of my usual veggie burger and french fries after our social walk. I couldn't finish the salad for some reason I was full ( I heard Little Balloon Guy say enough).
On Saturday I packed 94% fat free popcorn and two tangerines for Jake's Little League game. Jake's team won 16-1. Yaay. Later my old man and I went to the movies and I packed more fat free popcorn. For the first time in my life I was paying close attention to the movie and clutch my pearls, did not eat a thing. We paid for that right after. We ordered Chinese food before we left and knew that we had dinner waiting at home but we stopped in the supermarket and got the insane munchies buying Entemanns cake, ice cream and cake. Of course once we nuked and ate our Chinese food, we did not eat those things. It was amazing how easy it was to buy them when hungry.
On Sunday I got up early to run a 5K with my friends Cindy, Nina and Joe. It's funny that Cindy warned me that there were a lot of hills on this course (she ran it last year). She was not exaggerating because the hills kept coming all the way through this race. I thought I could run up them but half way through the first hill I lost my stamina and realized I would have to walk them. But I did run the rest of the race and I feel really happy with that. But now I realize I need to practice running up hills. I finished the race in 52+ minutes. Later that night I would eat some cake and ice cream.
Today I found myself not managing my feelings. I felt a little frustrated and ate chips for lunch. So I am not looking for any miracle weigh-in on Wednesday Night Happy Hour. I realize that I am human and make crazy choices from time to time. I cannot punish myself for giving in to cravings for good sweet, gooey or salty crunchy stuff. The difference between me now and me then is the ability to push the reset button and get back to my program so that the scale can have mercy on me. I have things to do and 5K's to run for goodness sake. By the way, I treated myself to a non-food victory; a new MP3 clip-on. Finally I am out of the Stone Age.
Last week I was on vacation. I love being on vacation because I get to wake up when my eyes pop open. I get to work out when I want to not squeezing it in at the crack of dawn or after a long day at work. I get to spend time with my family at ease, just laughing at something on television or a funny story. I get to ponder explaining plural marriage to my eleven year old son who was reading ( yes sitting and reading) an article in an old National Geographic article. These are things I enjoy doing with time to spare. Seriously, I am not sure what was more moving; the fact that I was having an adult conversation with Jake that was not about sports or Spongebob or the fact that he was leisurely reading an article in a magazine.
Jake with his swollen cheek and game ball
Last Wednesday was Jake's first Little League game of the season. Jake has graduated to the Minors league and had to leave his old team behind and bond with a new one. His new coach is great and very professional. His team the Co-Op City Cyclones worked very hard to be ready to play well. My old man took him to all his practices and said he has improved since last year. So my older son Josh, my hubby and I attended the first game holding our breathe hoping that Jake would fit in and play well. We were crossing our fingers and our toes that it would not rain ( the weatherman had been predicting rain all week). I chanted my own spells (yes I'm a Harry Potter geek) like calling on all my ancestors to put in a good word with Mother Nature or chanting the name of the team ( Cyclones, Cyclones, Cyclones) that they would win. But there was one thing I didn't chant for and when it was Jake's turn up to bat, the ball struck him in the face. I ran over to the first aid station where the coaches where holding up fingers and asking him how he felt. I overheard one of the coaches say that if Jake does not come back in, the team would forfeit. So despite my instinct to pick him up and take him home and tuck him in the bed, I wiped his tears , made sure he was fine and encouraged him to go back into the game. He did. And his team members signed the team ball and gave it to him.
Today I was going out for a jog but when I got downstairs, fat rain drops were falling and I was upset because I really wanted to go for a jog and I was about to go back to my apartment. I was talking to our lobby attendant, Miss Bernice, and she suggested to me that I walk around the building so that I could duck for cover if it started pouring. So I started to do laps around the building and was bored by the second lap and convinced myself that I could go to the track and run until it starts raining. I ran in between the raindrops for 2.4 miles. I was so happy that I got to run. I thanked Miss Bernice for inspiring me when I really need it.
I say all this to say that I love my crazy WW leader Melanie. She is an avid marathon runner, and an actress. She has the most fun WW meeting that we call Tuesday Night Happy Hour. But she will not be conducting those meetings anymore which will forever change the dynamic of the meeting. I am sad about that . I will follow her to another meeting time/location to get my Melanie fix. This is what I mean about finding yourself the right meeting and the right leader who can inspire you. There are a whole lot of people out there who want to criticize you, insult you, and shame you. When you are on a weight loss journey, you are already at your lowest point in your life trying to climb out. That's what Melanie and the TNHH did for me. For one about an hour a week I was with people who are struggling no matter what their goal is, to lose weight. And some of us are surrounded by people who do not have the same struggle. But Melanie makes my "go to meeting" a special place. She created a "Secret Garden" ( yes I am dating myself) that was a haven for us to encourage and befriend one another and cheer each other on goals no matter how big or how small. Total lightning in a bottle.
Melanie even convinced me, who is still very self conscious about being an overweight woman running, to enter actual organized races. I didn't do that as a child but I did it on dare from her. And even though I feel like puking my guts on race day, I still register and run them. So thanks Melanie for inspiring me.