Saturday, June 18, 2011

Feelin Groovy

This morning I jumped up, looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:50am. I shook my hubby going OMG I overslept. The look on his face was you dummy (cue the jackass in the bubble over my head).It is Saturday morning; one of the two days a week that I get to sleep late. Once I realized my mistake, I got up and fed the cat. Most Saturday mornings, our cat Abby is scratching on the door for someone to get up and feed her. When I finished feeding her, I realized she was not there harrassing me for her food. I panicked thinking she was ill, but she looked at me with the same look hubby gave, why are you up? Usually Jake is up watching cartoons at this hour but no Jake. I procceded to make my favorite at home quick breakfast; two boiled eggs, two pieces of toast and two oranges. The eggs exploded in the pot while boiling. Really?!! Truly this is not my day.
           I have been having alot of "not my day" feelings lately. I keep on rolling along with the punches ( I mean really, what else am I going to do). But those punches are starting to take the wind out of me.What am I getting at? I am talking about staying on track.  Back in April I was down 48.2lbs. So close to losing 50lbs that I could taste it on the tip of my tongue. But since then I have been on a weird downward spiral. Do you know the feeling when you were small and you accidententally slipped into to deep part of the swimming pool and you found yourself making the choice whether to drown or swim your way back to the edge of the pool and live? That is how I feel.
  This week I gained 1.6lbs which brings my loss to 43.6lbs. That means I have gained five pounds, up and down a pound or two each week.  I am falling off the wagon and not managing my feelings and nor self monitoring. I am tracking the foods that I eat because I know darn well that it is important to do so. I even write down the bad things like eating a whole bag of Pop Chips at a baseball game. Tracking is an important tool in the Weight Watchers journey. I know this, but tracking alone does not stop me from making wrong choices because I am not managing my feelings.

   There should be a sign on me that says will eat anything. I am on a poor choice binge. This is not happening everyday. I am getting a laid back vibe about what I put in my mouth.The fact that it does not happen everyday I attribute to being on the program. The perfect analogy is having the "good me" /"bad me" on your shoulder. You have seen it on shows and cartoons. WW is the "good me" saying don't eat that; don't you remember what that did to you? On the other side the "bad me" is saying go ahead. What? Are the WW police going to come and get you?
A year ago, someone recommended the book "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth. This book is about managing your feelings. I did not finish it a year ago. As a matter of fact, I lost it. So I recently downloaded it into my nook. I read a few pages this week and found myself thinking about all the reasons we eat. I know I have sat through this topic in many meetings. But the reference in the book that day was about someone having what she thought she wanted, not being happy with all aspects of it and turning to food to medicate herself. This taps into a lot of feelings about my life and how I deal with the things that I don't like about it. There are motivational speakers who will say just change it. Well guess what motivational speakers, sometimes there are circumstances you should not rush to change because it will start a domino effect to all the other aspects of life. Let people know that we are not going to be happy about EVERY aspect of your job, or EVERY aspect of your love life, or EVERY aspect of your relationship with your parents, siblings or offspring. Instead of teaching flight(with the exception of life threatening situations, of course), teach people that you can deal with things by taking a look at the good things aka the blessings.

  I have to take a page from my friend Tam's trip to the spa where she took lessons in meditation and breathing. I have not tried to meditate in a while. I think I need to breathe. I was talking to a collegue about what's going on in my life lately and complaining about how the continuing drama of the sprained ankle is taking all the fun about my Spring. She is working on some health issues on her own and said that I need to take it easy, stop trying to do everything and make my family help me. I started defending myself and she said I have a control problem. Me?? We're talking about someone whose apartment is a mess, whose finances are tighter than a speedo,and who is so overweight but cannot stop eating. I'm a control freak. I don't think so.  But historically, I have found when someone says something to you and you immediately get pissed off and defensive; there may be some truth about it. Things that make you go hmmmm......

Tues - all day -4pts
Wed. - biking - 5pts
Thurs - all day - 3pts
Fri. - all day - 6pts
Sat. rest day
Sun -  all day + biking - 8pts
Mon - all day - 6pts
TOTAL = 32pts
            It's true that I have not been doing many formal exercising because by the time I get home from work and cook it's late and I think about the fact that I have not been off the ankle all day and prop it up on pillows. The days that I bike, I have been riding like the devil himself is behind me. My muscles ache all the way up into my butt.

Please forgive me for being a little off. I have not checked in a while so I will begin from June.
Previous miles= 2625.18
wk 1 +wk2 in June = 47.09miles
2,578.09 miles to go to SEATTLE

just keep peddling

saw this in a magazine and thought it was a real club LOL
            This week me and my WW homies stayed behind for Melanie first timers after the meeting again. I need all the help I can get. Until I get back on track, I will keep going to meetings, keep tracking ( even the cookies I ate ),keep moving  and keep putting the ankle on pillows. Please send me positive thoughts.



  1. Carin,

    I am sending you all the love in the world.

    Every step in this journey, whether it's a disappointment or a victory, is still a step forward - and I think you are really beginning to get to the core of all of it, right now. We're like onions, and you're really peeling down the layers.

    You know program. You track it all. You are beyond motivated. You're truly HONEST with yourself. Do you know how many folks I see each week that aren't even that far?

    Okay, so it's emotional eating. So it's the temptation to give in to the evil side and play with fire (AKA Popchips.) So it's going to take a little more positive self talk and, yes, being kinder to yourself. Now we're getting down to the nitty gritty.

    You're going to do this. You ARE doing this. It's like my favorite pair of shoes says on them, "The Journey is the Destination" (I wore them on our 5k walk!)

    So, miss Carin - you're asking for those positive thoughts. But until you send them to yourself...... well, you know.

    I'm choosing to send you ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD and and my TOTAL FAITH AND CONFIDENCE that you CAN - and WILL do this. We're all here for you, to cheer you on, provide a sounding board, and smack you upside the head if you need it :)



  2. Hi sis! All i can say is your looking hot like summer time in the city! Do it mama keep up the great work.. much love.