The Long and Winding Road

    It has been two weeks since my last entry. I can blame it on being busy but also I have been losing my way. What way, you say? For starters, I have been doing the yo-yo dance up and down the scale. I have had sweet losses ( that scared even me) and gains that left me feeling ambivalent. Over the last few weeks it went like this;
Aug 3: +4.8lbs
Aug. 10: -6.4lbs
Aug 17: -1.6lbs
Aug. 24: +4.2lbs
Aug. 31: -5.2lbs
Sept. 7: +3.6
Sept. 14: +1.4lbs
     In Weight Watchers we are taught that weight loss is like that. It can go up and down for many reasons. A year ago this would have driven me crazy. But now it has me scratching my head. This is because I need to figure out what is going on with me and get back on track.This is what we do. We go back through our journal and see what did I do wrong? What did I eat wrong? Did I exercise enough? So I pulled out my handy dandy 3 Month Journal (<-- Moms, please note Blues Clues reference).

1) Weeks ago I exercised everyday.4,5,6,9,activity points. Wonderful thing to do. But I started to compete with myself. Go further each day. Go hard or go home. Even though my massage therapist and my hubby both tsk tsk me. They both said "it's great that you're getting all this activity but don't you think you should cut yourself some slack". I was insulted by this. How dare they hoist their opinions on me? I'm invincible. But folks, I'm really not invincible. I am a 44 year old mom who has spent the last 13 years not being active. I will not lie to you. Every single night I crawl into my bed in the worst pain. I get up the next day and do it all over again, afraid that if I don't I'll blow up. Lucky for me, I go to a chiropractor and a massage therapist who work with me. They also remind me that I have to allow myself healing time. Have a downtime day once and a while (this is actually mythical when you have kids). Before you go thinking that I have become an exercise junkie......I'm not.
2) When I had my weight gain on Sept 7, I did not log it into the computer. Don't know why. No real excuse there. But I also, did not journal the entire last week. Not even my exercise exploits. I went through the motions of knowing what to eat or what not to eat like a zombie. I did not log a darn thing.
     Please do not clutch your pearls. I am not giving up. I am in this for the long haul.The last two meetings we received Tools for Living forms. Today I actually took the time to fill them out.So here goes;
POSITIVE SELF-TALKING
It's going to take me forever>No it's not but it's not going to happen over night either. If the gain had happened over night I would have been hospitalized as some extreme medical condition. But it happened a little at a time. And I bought bigger clothes to hide it. I have to think of it as the education of me about me.
Maybe I'm not supposed to lose weight> Yes I am. I am worth having a better body. I am worth being healthier.
Everyone is looking at me> You are not a reality TV star. You're a human being trying to become a better you by no one else's standards but your own!
STORYBOARDING
My winning outcome ...Drum roll please... TO WEIGH LESS THAN 200LBS!!!!!!
What do I need to do?
1-Attending my meetings.
2-Journal
3-Exercise
4-Get some rest

5-Lose some weight, a little at a time.

         I keep on going through this incredible journey a pound at a time. I know where I will end up but it's going to take a while to get there. The road keeps growing in front of me.There are detours. I started this blog because I like to talk and write. I also wanted people like myself who have a long journey ahead of them that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! THERE ARE OTHERS LIKE YOU WITH GREAT AMOUNTS OF WEIGHT TO LOSE, A BODY TO SCULPT, HEALTH TO REPAIR , PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF, A JOB TO DO , AND THE NEED TO NOT BE ON DISPLAY FOR OTHERS TO JUDGE AND CRITICIZE. In the long run, someone obese wants to dance, run, wear pretty clothes, laugh, dream and be worthy of love. They just came to the fork in the road and made the wrong choice.